Write like a woman

It is an odd experience, moving back to the place I was born yet it feels incredibly foreign. The simplest things like, trying to organise your tax file number which is referred to as a IRD number is strange. The processes in place seem overly complicated like I do not understand why with every form or application I try to complete, why I need to the take my identification to get it “verified” by a justice of the peace, school principal, etc etc just to complete one damn form.

I mean I’m a Maori right? I was born here.
I’ve got a New Zealand passport.
A New Zealand birth certificate.
This is meant to be my home, right?

I’m Maori but I’ve lived in Australia most of my life.
I come home and I don’t get identified as Maori, I get told I’m a mozzie. (Australian – Maori)
It’s almost as though my own people have decided to disown me because I left our land to find better work in order to sustain my family. This animosity towards returning New Zealanders, I don’t entirely understand. Why would moving to our neighbouring country be considered a disadvantage?

Our people fought along side by side in times of war. We honour them every year to ensure the future generations from both of our countries do not forget the sacrifices made to support the coalition under the Sovereignty of her majesty, the Queen of England.

Yet in Australia, they are detaining and deporting our people home for seemingly unjust and unfair imprisonment, minor infractions or prison sentences within their judicial system. What will happen to these people? The ones just like me who have come “home” to a land that does not want them and have been expelled from somewhere they thought was their home?

In New Zealand I am a mozzie.
In Australia I am a maori.
In South Auckland I am trespasser.
In my home I am an outsider.

SLM.

 

It has been exactly eighteen weeks since we moved over to Auckland. To say it has been an easy transition would be an understatement. I have lived in Sydney most of my life which is twenty-eight years to be precise. That is a very long time to just decide to uproot and move countries four weeks before our wedding. Yet that is what happened. I lived one year in Auckland and moved over to Australia before I turned two years old. I wasn’t moving “back” home, I was moving to the place I was born, still foreign to me.

I have no idea why I thought moving to a new country four weeks before our wedding day was a good idea. Clearly not enough time to adjust but I’m not the kind of person to back down from a challenge.

Here is a simple breakdown:

1. 28 years
2. Subtract whole life
3. Equals 0

This is where I am now; Ground zero. We didn’t make this decision lightly as it was an ambitious move. My newlywed husband and I decided that it was time to move over because we want all three of our children to grow up as brothers and all of us to be a closer family, even though we do not have full time care of our eldest son.

Just before the move, my husband had doubts for our reasoning to uproot our lives. He was worried and I knew that the anxiety of the unknown along with our wedding was overwhelming the both of us.

Well we did it anyway and had the wedding of our dreams. No bridal breakdown to most of my dear friends surprise (they were literally trying to get me to crack and break down a few days out from the big day and all they got to show for it was a very annoyed bride).  I know their intentions were pure as those who know me well, also know I do not usually break down but when the off chance arises, I tend to self destruct.

I’m glad I did it. Glad we’re here in one piece. But I’m still trying to find my thing here. Hopefully I’ll be inspired soon enough to keep working on that old manuscript.

Anyway, here I am. New country, new marital status. No job, no friends. I binge watch Netflix shows, convincing myself it is for research for a script/novel/Idon’tknowwhattocallit I’ve been writing for years and I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. So, if you’re still with me, thank you for staying. Let’s see where this new life will lead us.

Sincerely,

SLM.